The insider chess community has long had to deal with terrible ignorance on the part of the general public concerning chess terminology. There is a dire need for correct information. That is what this dictionary is all about. Let us all try and make sure that proper usage is maintained at all times, in our writings and in our speaking.


ALGEBRAIC. Sometimes used to describe the chicken scratches that denote the written record of a chess game. Actually, the term was originated to prove some lofty relationship between math, chess, and intelligence.

ANALYST. He who analyzes a chess game. Has the added benefit of not himself being under any pressure while writing or commenting on a game.

ARBITER. Originated when Rover the dog bit Miss Ann Summerlin, while playing a game of chess (unknown date) - "R bit her!" In modern times, it represents an old dude who sits behind a desk, or walks around, or tells the crowd to be quiet during a chess match. If there is a dispute between the players during a game, he offers them coffee.

BISHOP. A clerical chess piece whose dogma is either black or white.

BLITZ. A game which is similar to chess. Full of BLUNDERS and other nonsense. It involves moving the pieces around the board quickly, and punching the clock loudly. Online, it is a mouse game. Ideal for those with quick hand-eye coordination, but who have no plans or chess skill. The one-minute blitz game is an art form, which simulates comedy, but not chess.

BLUNDER. A bad move, which probably loses the game. CHEST PLAYERS are known for their blunders. Makes the chess world go around. Fodder for ANALYSTS.

CASTLE. The CHEST version of ROOK. Also describes a sneaky way to get the KING out of danger - the act of castling.

CENTAUR. Half man, half machine. See CORRESPONDENCE CHESS.

CHEATING. The most common excuse for losing a game - "My opponent cheated."

CHECK. To distract yourself long enough from your chess game to investigate something else. Threatening the king. Can be announced or unannounced.

CHECKMATE. To check on your friend, to see if he is still alive, after he has drunk too much while playing chess (Australian). In other areas - means to check to see what your significant other was doing while you were wasting time playing chess. Another meaning is the end of the game by checking the king when he has no move to make. Can be announced or unannounced.

CHESS. Another word for CHEST. A game of wooden pieces with wooden problems. Chess was invented by book publishers around the year 1100 in order to have another genre to publish books in. The general public fell for this ruse, and are still buying chess books to this day. In modern times, it is an incorrect usage - see CHEST.

CHEST. A game, usually between two people, using a board of 64 black and white squares, along with pieces and pawns. As all uniformed people know, this is the correct usage to describe the game. A substitute for life itself. Usage: "Let's play Chest!" See CHESS.

CLOCK. Doctors decided in the 1800s that players needed something to do to relieve the boredom of playing chess. The chess clock was born. It lets them smack something during the game, without harming their opponents.

CORRESPONDENCE CHESS. Distance-chess, i.e., when the opponents cannot see each other, and the game reflection time is measured in days, instead of hours and minutes. SEE CENTAUR, ENGINE, OPERATOR, and POSTMAN.

DRAW. Neither side wins the game. For chest players, only cowards offer draws, and only cowards accept draw offers.

ENGINE. Gives added horsepower to a player. See CORRESPONDENCE CHESS.

EN PASSANT. A pawn-trick that snobby players use to get around the chest player rules. See CHEATING.

FISH. A poor chess player. An average to superior chest player. The main function of the fish is to pay the lion's share of the entry fees so that MASTERS can rake in the dough at chess tournaments.

GRAND MASTER. An important title for super-duper MASTERS. Important for the chess ego. Held in awe by CHESS PLAYERS and KIBITZERs.

GUEST BOOK. As in, "Please sign my Guest book." A place where Spamers use their automated scripts to torment chess webmasters.

HORSE. The CHEST version of KNIGHT.

INSULTS. Mainly seen in BLITZ. Hardly ever seen in serious games. Designed to distract your opponent so that he BLUNDERS.

KIBITZER. An annoying chess enthusiast who walks around a tournament hall watching the ongoing games. CHEST kibitzers often make noise or otherwise distract the players while they do this. A TD's nightmare.

KING. A weak chess piece that represents the father figure, according to psychiatrists. He can never be captured, but gets scared when he cannot move, and so he gives up.

KNIGHT. A chess piece that is hard to see in the dark. Faces left in Great Britain, and right everywhere else.

MASTER. Someone who wastes a lot of time playing chess. Is considered intelligent by the general public, much like a mathematician or a musician.

OPERATOR. More than a CENTAUR, an operator is someone who has chess knowledge, but also knows how to start and use his ENGINE(s). See CORRESPONDENCE CHESS.

PAWN. A chess figure that (s)pawns into a QUEEN before stumbling off the chessboard. The favorite figure to twirl between the fingers when contemplating a move. A humble little fellow who is much abused as a cheap prop in literature. See PROMOTION.

PATZER. This denotes a non-master player who defeats a MASTER in chess - "How could I lose to that Patzer!"

PLAYER. Someone who plays chess. He is not for real, he is just playing. When he grows up he will probably attempt something useful in his life.

POSTMAN. Less than a CENTAUR or OPERATOR, a postman merely transmits moves chosen by an ENGINE. He is usually a very lonely human being, without much purpose, unless it involves scientific research.

PRODIGY. Usually a human child who has been programmed to play chess from an early age. Practical usage is when an adult loses to a child - "Well, I think he is a prodigy!" Could also be used to describe the act of poking some guy named "Igee" with your finger.

PROMOTION. The (s)pawn(ing) to a queen, or to another chess piece. Known to make grown men cry, when it happens.

QUEEN. The name of a popular rock band. The word formed the basis of a landmark lawsuit over usage of the name. The court decided, in a split-decision, that no one cared one way or another.

RESIGN. A game ending declaration of defeat. Can be shouted, whispered, or replaced with turning the KING on his side, or by sweeping the board of pieces in disgust.

ROOK. A funny piece. The name stuck because the author of the quote "A man's home is his castle" originally put rook in there, instead of castle, and it didn't sound right. Thereafter, the creators of CHEST (CHESS) decided to use rook instead, because the castle word had already been taken.

RULES. An invention to prevent fights between chess players. In CHEST, the rules depend on who is right and who is wrong. In this instance, the bigger (and stronger) fellow usually prevails with his interpretation of the rules.

SERVER. Formally one who served something (like coffee) to players during a chess match. Modern usage is an online facility that doesn't serve anything useful, except chess.

STALEMATE. Australian word which signifies the smell of your friend after an all-night BLITZ playing session of chess.

TD. Tournament Director. In CORRESPONDENCE CHESS, may be good or bad - TD Bingo. For over the board usage, see ARBITER.

TIME TROUBLE. Used to express time pressure in chess, due to CLOCK use. The second most used excuse for losing - see CHEATING. Also used by MASTERS to explain away childish BLUNDERS in a game, after the fact.

USENET NEWSGROUPS. A place where people gather, online, to pontificate, and to make announcements. Gives every person their fifteen minutes of fame, whether they use a fake name or not. People who spend a lot of time in newsgroups don't have a lot of time to play chess - therefore, chess newsgroups are a substitute for chess itself.

WITHDRAWAL. Qutting a chess tournament while it is in progress. "The only valid excuse for withdrawal from a chess tournament is death, and then only with a death certificate" - CJS Purdy. Silent withdrawals are the bane of correspondence chess. Chess or Chest withdrawal usually happens when you go on vacation with the family, and you cannot bring along your chess board and set. This form of withdrawal can make you physically ill.

WORLD CHAMPION. The king of the hill. Best of the best. Last name usually starts with a "K". Reserved future usage - almost always an ENGINE.

ZUGZWANG. Said to mean "compulsion to move" in chess, but actually means "a train got zwanged" in German. It is unclear how this became a chess term. Probably intended to give a "z word" for chess dictionaries.

John C. Knudsen is a Senior International Master (SIM) of correspondence chess.
He is also the founder of CORRESPONDENCECHESS.COM (1996) and the Editor of this syndicated article feed.

Copyright 2005 by John C. Knudsen, all rights reserved. Visit CC.COM at
http://www.correspondencechess.com

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http://www.correspondencechess.com/samizdat/